5 ways to be a better friend to yourself

We can often be our own worst critic. If you actually wrote out some of the thoughts you have about yourself on paper, you’d think: ‘Ouch, that’s harsh.’ You certainly wouldn’t ever talk to a friend the way that you talk to yourself. But it’s so automatic, we barely even notice we’re doing it. You deserve to feel better. But how do you break old habits and start treating yourself like a good friend?

1. Find out what you think about yourself.

Most of the thoughts we have about ourselves are on auto-pilot. The best way to work out what your limiting beliefs are is by journaling. Ask yourself: 

• What do I do well?

• When have I been hard on myself? What are those critical thoughts?

• When I was younger, what did my parents say about me? 

Underline any beliefs about yourself that aren’t serving you. Are they 100% true? Hint, they’re not. What would you rather think about yourself? Let’s work on reinforcing that new kinder belief.

2. Reinforce new (kinder) beliefs about yourself with actions.

Let’s say you think, ‘I’m not good enough.’ And you want to start thinking, ‘I’m amazing.’ How do you bridge the gap? You do it by taking actions every day that match the belief that you’re amazing. What does, ‘I’m amazing’ look like to you? Maybe it’s getting up in the morning and going for a run. Maybe it’s spending time with your niece. Maybe it’s offering to help a coworker on a pitch. Maybe it’s being nice to yourself. Every day, pencil in an action into your schedule that makes you feel like an amazing person. 

3. Practice positive self-talk.

You’ve been doing the opposite for long enough. Anytime you feel like you’ve messed up, think of what a good friend would say to you. If you burnt the casserole, would a friend say, ‘You’re such an idiot, or, would they tell you, ‘That’s OK. At least you tried to make a home cooked meal’? It helps to speak those kind, encouraging words aloud. Writing them out helps, too. In a journal at the end of each day, write out 3 nice things a friend would say to you.

4. Check-in with yourself.

Think of when you catch up with a friend. You ask them how they’ve been. What they’ve been up to. It’s a safe space for them to share their feelings and thoughts. Give yourself that same safe space. Set an alarm twice a day to check-in with yourself. If 5 minutes is all you’ve got, that’s still 5 minutes that you’re showing up for yourself. Ask: How am I feeling? What’s on my mind? How can I help myself? 

5. Cut yourself some slack.

You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to get things wrong. It’s part of being human. Instead of railing on yourself for it, think of what lesson you can take away from the situation. And then, remember that you’re never going to be perfect, because ‘perfect’ is an illusion. 

Being nice to ourselves after years of the opposite can be hard at the start. But when you’re consistent every day in taking small, positive steps in being kinder, then you’ll start to shift the dial. You’ll feel better and your subconscious will sit up and take notice: ‘Oh, this is what we do now. We treat ourselves like a friend.’

Want more tips on how to be a better friend to yourself, and show up for the people in your life who matter? Subscribe to our free newsletter to start living your best life.